INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE

life as it is.

but lately her face seems slowly sinking , wasting crumbling like pastries and they scream ; the worst things in life come free to us

yes the earth is my body & my head is in the stars .

i’ve been thinking lately, that i think too much quite frankly, i just wanna get out of this town and this overloaded stress , and find a quite and less stressful place to be.

just you and me.

before i just stop .. i just want you to know that if today was the final day of my brief and shitty existence and i could only see one more person , it would be you.

worthless.

I am a different person everytime i look in the mirror.

Never someone i seem to like.

I”ve literally been the most sensitive and emotional fag ever lately . I dont even know if its the hormones fucking with me or its just me growing up to be someone more matured , oh maybe someone more sensitive , either way FML.

i have truckloads of colloqs to be done by this 2 months , and that basically means before the whole of my first year ends. Sometimes i feel like this shit’s too hard handle , and all this stress thinking isnt gonna make me do anything about it, all i wanna do is just sit back and complain like a spoiled bitch.

i feel like i’ve been putting up alot more weight , i dont know if its the type of food intake i’ve been taking in , or there’s something really wrong with my hormonal system , that it has been effecting not only my weight but my emotions too. I’ve started working out everyday before i sleep and after i wake up in the mornings.

i dont even know if this makes me happy or worried .

Been speaking to an ex of mine recently, realized that no matter how much someone could be right for you, timing is almost everything ( i’m looking back gain at all the threads ; and have i not realized that it was clearly just only pure mess) .

i have been having such an unpleaseant emotions lately.

LONELINESS.

sometimes i even goggle how does anyone deal with it ?

and i get answers that will never ever satisfy any part of me , all they do is just make me feel more shittier than anything. I just smoke , knowing how my lungs are so much corrode than it was . I’ve been on a pledge to cut down, well i have been cutting down but sometimes i wish i never turned back to those ciggies when im deeply under some downfall or heartbreak.

my second year is ought to be more exciting, will be moving out with my other three best friends . After all the dramas , we’ve decided to put friendship first and im pretty excited about how things will get in years to come with all of us staying together.

oh btw, i’ve made my life extra exciting by getting a new twitter acoount, okay wait it was actually Ezora & Iman who made me a new account since i was so depressed over my old account that got into some shit . Twitter is an addiction, i tweet even while i poop . ohlord, something to release my stress on finally.

something to laugh about ;

last night conversation with @zsazsa .

so im done with all the blablabullshits for today . xx toddles

neon lights.

In conjunction to a not so wonderful life, here i am blogging about it, pfft, recently my days have been so dull and mundane , all i do is just go to school and come home and sleep or once in a while just go out with my girlfriends and bum around Moscow.

Just two weeks back me and my friends took a trip to Nizny , Russia in conjuction to Intervasity GORKY Games between all the Medical school’s in Russia , what was interesting was it was all Malaysians there , so basically its more like a Malaysian student get -to-gether . I reckon its one of the best getaways that i’ve went since i got here, went pretty broke but that 4 days were purrrrfect .

Nizhny hockey team against Moscow Medical Academy.

football team, the guys getting so hyped already.

.. more picture in my facebook album (:

& besides all this hype about school games , we decided to not make the trip go to waste so we went on a little sight seeing around Nizhny.. For a fact it wasn’t a bad place after all, pretty sceneries, high mountains and the weather was just absofuckinglutely amazing as we could walk around without our coats on.

& thats Shamita, Matthew and Me with some Russians who helped us guiding around Nizhny.

shot taken somewhere around Nizhny , Kremlin.

the lake infront of our hotel, the view was just too eye catchy.

buildings around, pretty pretty ones. (:

in the evening , this was one of the best places you could just sit and chill and have beers.

and the two girls i had an amazing time withhh :3

I’m done with the pictures for now, but there’s definately more in my facebook album, so yeah . you know where to go..

Lately , i’ve been looking at the mirror almost five times a day, or maybe just more, and each time i look at it i feel like i’ve been gaining more and more weight, so i’ve got my self into a pledge.. and with that, i’d be cutting down on the foods with excessive carbs and fats, NO RICE, NO MORE KARTOSHKAAA (potatoes, god Russians do not EVER GET SICK OF POTATOES) & all this carbonated drinks and this juices filled with shitloads of sugar.

and in months time i should be saying goodbye’s to all this ugly fugly fats here and there! KUDOS TO MUA :)

I need to stop wasting money on ridiculous things anymore. I have learn to spend money wisely, and plan things accordingly, mostly the things i might need and not the things i WANT cause that’s just gonna cause destruction ; money crisis in life. Hands down to hose who are able to actually be so responsible with their money man, honestly.

* i’ll just be your forever; just stay with me , don’t give up on what’s gonna bring you so much of happiness.

‘

Take a breath, take it in, love has no expiration date
My heart will always beat for you at a constant rate
It will outlast everything you think you set in stone
It goes on and on, and on and on, on and on, and on and on

Buzzing like neon lights, can you feel my love?
Loud and clear, pulls you near.

Everyone is looking for a special connection
But it’s like your compass points a million directions
Do you need me to buy you a telescope so you can see?
How good this could be?

toddles xx

a certain kind of sadness.

So its been a while since i ranted on something, as so MUCH of things been happening in and out of me. School has been so stressed up , the Rector and our student Agent head idiot has been such an asshole lately tryna screw almost everything with the whole heavy documentation problem,spring has been officially cancelled ; which basically means Its gonna be winter throughout till summer finally comes, ugh. as if im not suffering from any severe dry skin problem already.

Two weeks back , our batch were noticed that we’d be doing our practicals in the hospital here for a month before we leave to Malaysia, i was a little dissapointed first but then again , li got my self looking at the bright side, working experience in Moscow could be a good experience , plus i’ve got 6 years to go and i could always pick Malaysia for my practicals anytime later. I cant wait though :)

I’ve been feeling so lonely at times, times when hit the bed and decide to have an early night and thats when stupid random thoughts flood my mind. Though im sorrounded with so many people , so many friends , but theres some place deep in me, i feel like im still this young lonely girl aching for something better to happen, how ironic.
It’s like the more crap you go through in life, the more you wanna be alone.
I believe no matter how strong a girl , she has a weak point and sometimes all she needs is just someone to hug and tell her everything’s gonna be alright.

Yes, this loneliness creeps the shit out of me, sometimes i think its just probably the hormones fucking with me. Sometimes all i wanna do is just be alone , and some days all i wanna do is just get all emotional about everything. Life’s pretty much a bitch, oh wait , its maybe just the PRIYA HORMONES. fml , seriously.

I’ve learned something since i got here . I’ve learned that you cant end up pleasing each and everyone , dont even try it. Its probably a waste of time even trying to make anyone even like you or whatever. Just gotta be you, yourself cause some people theyre just full of hate that no matter what you say or do , they’d always have something to say. so fuck them.

My emotions literally change so drastically each and every day, all i just is for you to just stay where you are right now to me. Its like you’re screaming and no one can hear , you almost feel ashamed that someone could be this important , that you feel completely nothing and no one will ever understand how much it hurts , you feel hopeless and nothing could save you and when its over, its gone. you almost wish that you could have at least have the bad times back , so you can have the good ones.

PS; I know we’re too young and its still too early to say this but i hope you’re the one. :)

oh i love Lana del Ray. <3

finally, i could go out with my trench coats and chill by the park.

GOODBYEEEEE THICK THICK SNOWW

AND HELLOO SUN (:

15 / 3

#nowplaying - Robin Thicke- Lost without you.

a while since i ranted something, and since im feeling all solemn and sleep never actually seemed one of the best things to do for now, i decided to rant on some thing thats possibly on my mind right now.

I’ve always sat and wondered

if it was possible falling in love with someone you’ve never met, or being miles distanced away or maybe someone you just dont get to be with the whole of the 24 hours with (like online dating and stuff) yes, it’s completely possible, and I’m pretty sure i have a point here?
- Its almost impossible to comprehend the time you can give to a stranger when you have to do a lot of things in the day.
- Its almost impossible to comprehend how much frustrated you can be for not holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing and stuff.
- It’s almost impossible to believe that the other person it’s being faithful.
- It’s kind of amazing how that person knows you probably more than the people that is sitting next to you, it can be a friend, a brother, a mother, or even your best friend,
- It is also kind of amazing how that person turns into the most valuable person in your life and you haven’t touched him/her yet.

To fall in love, be in love, or have a relationship with someone doesn’t mean holding hands and spent the nights together watching Stanly films and eating junk food. It doesn’t mean you have to know his/her family or friends, it’s doesn’t mean you have to know how he/her smell, or if their skin is dry or soft. To be in love is feeling that you cannot bear that felling anymore, that you would do anything to just touch that person for a second and you know you would die as the happiest person in the planet. Just one kiss, one hug… that one smile you see when you first see his.
And the greatest thing of falling in love like this, is that it goes further than the conventional relationships, it’s love in its pure state, you fall in love with the soul of your partner, you fall in love with his/her entire being, and even thought you can see they are not perfect and that it’s gonna be difficult to see each other and make things work, you know you may suffer for a while, but in the end you are gonna be rewarded with the: “And they lived happily ever after” , just gotta keep it going , stay strong and have faith.

im gonna go to bed, before i fuck my own brains up, goodnight (:

love.

#nowplaying ; I call it love - Lionel Richie.

“You don’t sit down and write a wish list about the person you are going to fall violently in love with. It just doesn’t work that way.”

i tell this to my self almost everyday, just to make my self feel better, and my whole day feel better.

I have been in love many times over the years. Some I thought would last a lifetime, others have lasted a lifetime but to this day remain unrequited. Such are matters of the heart I guess. They take us on a journey with a destination that is not often clear to us, or to anyone else for that matter.

Certainly, love has taken me down many roads

“You know when you are in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

Of course, falling in love has its pitfalls. Some people think that love itself has some magical limitations . “Men who think that a woman’s past love affairs lessen the love for them are usually stupid and weak. A woman can bring a new love to each man she loves, providing there are not too many.” I have to agree, falling out of love is awful. But falling in love, your feet never touch the ground and every sensibility you have goes out the windowI wish i could change the fact , true love isn’t all about misery, its more like the mixture of the both. you’d never know how amazing it feels till you get yourself indulged in it, and this is for YOU.

i hope it changes the mindset of yours about how amazing love is.

#nowplaying ; For the first time - The script.

so i’m blogging after some time, finally managed to dug out some time to rant some shitznits.

so FIRST OF ALL , i shall on update on how fucking awesome is it to watch a football game live and the best part it was a Real Madrid game Vs Moscow. Such an irony it is, how i’ve never imagined my self going for a football game and gaining so much of fun and excitement out of it , though standing under the cold weather while it snows , didnt even seem that bothering to me in that moment at all . All i could remember is how much i screamed , yelled and jumped while the both team kicked their skills away, & it was too good to see you Christiano Ronaldo. <3

Real fucking Madrid VS CSKA.

Ohh, how do you spot the guy with the jersey no 7 on !

and yesss, we painted our facesssss <3

and the massive crowd that just made that night.

There’s just too many pictures, and i just cant seem to be blogging every one of em.

So the next event i went was for my Uni’s Chinese New Year Party organised by the Russian Malaysian Embassy ! :3

and the best girls that make my everyday ; during the Chinese New Year .

talking about this girls, i’ve been with them everyday and almost every night im just with them, and i certainly dont regret spending every second of it with them!

****

so besides all this shits that has been happening, i am still the depressed kid deep down somewhere inside of me.

its just me. I’m young. I’m scared. I’m paranoid. I think way too much. I just cant stop swallowing all my words. I just can’t stop thinking what other people think. I just can’t say what i want to really say. I just can’t stop thinking about stuffs i’m not suppose to. FUCK THIS SHIT, YES FUCK MY LIFE.

My eyes are always wide, i can’t sleep. My body aches, and my mind is weak. It fucking scares the shit out of me at times, almost all the time. I just want to stop feeling this way. Yeah man, its freaky that way , sigh.

sometimes i love certain people so much that i actually feel emotional over how much love i have for them like how can my heart have so much love in it really ;/

ps ;/ you being this way, acting this way, seeping through me this way, it sucks, IT JUST SUCKS ALOT, alot more than you actually think it does. FML.

For the love of DRAKE. <3